Well today it happened! I had my very first emotional break down as a mother.
It all started with a great nights sleep. Carter decided to wake up earlier than usual, but whatever, I slept thorough the night and I was ready to wake up. WRONG! He started the day with a fit that landed him in time out. The rest of the day has been spent with me saying "Carter NO", him not listening, then throwing a fit when I make him stop. I've never wanted to be the type of mom that yelled but I have found myself raising my voice all day, and I just can't seem to get through to him. Well we were in the kitchen looking for a snack, and he kept shaking his head at everything I pulled out of the pantry, so finally I gave up and closed the door. That was it, he had the fit to end ALL fits! He screamed and kicked and was a nightmare. Well he went to his time out spot, and I sat down a cried, and tried to remind myself of how much I love him. I've grown so used to the happy go lucky little baby that I had almost a year and a half ago that I don't exactly know what to do with the little boy I have now.
To add to my worries, I'm pregnant (as you are all well aware). Today is one of the first days that I haven't wanted to be any longer. My hands are full with the one I have. Although I want this baby so badly, I can't help but think I'm just not qualified to be the mother of more than one. What am I going to do when I have two little boys crying and throwing fits, when I can't even handle one? What am I going to do when I'm so exhausted I can't even think straight and one child won't take a nap?
Patience is something that I have learned through the years NOT to pray for, but I can't help but have the prayer in my heart that Heavenly Father will help me have more.
I am hoping every day that I will be ready when Carter's baby brother gets here. Not with clothes or a bed, or diapers, or anything like that, but emotionally. I hope that I am prepared to be the mother that I have always wanted to be.
If not, as the story "Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good, Very Bad Day" goes: I'll move to Australia!
(P.S. that is one of my FAVORITE childerns stories, if you haven't read it, DO! It's great when you are having a rotten day!)
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I'm sorry you had such a rotten day. I know you are an excellent mother, don't ever doubt yourself. God will not give you anything you can't handle (I have to remind myself of this ALL the time.) You'll have rough days but you will make it through...I promise!
ReplyDeleteThere, there Cherry! It'll be ok! We all have less than perfect moments:) I have found (thus far...) that two is actually a little better than one in many ways, b/c they tend to entertain each other! I don't get as much done but it's like we bought the best toy EVER for Ike! So, chin up:) You are a great mommy, don't forget!
ReplyDeleteSome days are like that. . .
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing they love you (or more specifically mine with me) no matter what.
Your story actually made me giggle a little bit! :) Not to scare you or anything...but you will have many more days like this, it's just part of being a mom! When times are rough..just think about the great times you have had with them. And when you are tired, lay both down for a nap, and squeeze in a little nap yourself! Love and miss you!!
ReplyDeleteUgh. I'm so sorry Cherry. That stinks. But you really are a wonderful mother and will be an AWESOME mother of two! By the way- your blog is super cute!
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